I Am Positively Negative

I am positively negative at times and the gods know I have had enough reason to be so in the last year. It was, without a doubt, the worse year of my life. It was also the beginning of a new life as well. Life can begin at 62 or any age for that matter.
I never do anything the kind and gentle way. I blast through life or I sleep through it.There isn't anything in between those two extremes for me. I think I need the blast to wake me up and propel me forward. I am inherently lazy so I need to be blasted forward. I can easily turn into a veggie.
I don't even want to speculate upon what the coming year will bring. I don't dare too. That has been a consistently iffy thing for me over the years. I have learned to look forward to nothing in the coming year. If I don't place expectations then I don't suffer disappointment as much either.
The only plans I have are to keep on keeping on with one foot in front of the other until I get there.(where ever there is)
It must mean something that I've started blogging again. I haven't done that for months. Anyone that knows me well knows that I withdraw for long spans of time and don't take it personally. Maybe that's why so few people do know me well. I think I make it too much like work.
Okay, enough said for now. Happy New Year.

Maybe Not Too

Recently I posted an entry that suggested that perhaps a certain person was my friend for the last 25 years and I just hadn't noticed. I've given that some reconsideration. The only time she calls is when she wants someone to entertain her or go somewhere with her. The enthusiasm wore off quickly on her part and I must say, it did on mine too. She and I have some things in common but not enough to be too enthralled with each other. I think it is mutual.
In all my reconsiderations I'll decided once again that I am not cut out to be any ones friend. Maybe I don't know what the term friend encompasses....I will leave it at we still are speaking to each other now and then and if either one of us needs something in an emergency we can rely on each other.(at least I think that is true).
I can't get over the feeling of being a broken item, something that isn't quite usable but still recognizable as the item it is. I mean, I look like a normal person most of the time but that is as far as it goes. It has always been that way too, even when I was a child. It's sad to think of all the years that have passed and I have not changed in some ways that perhaps I should have. Eh, I don't know what I am talking about.